Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
