Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
