You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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