I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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