Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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