There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do vagina's smell?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
