It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
