puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
