He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
