great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
