I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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