Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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