he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize