Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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