Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
