im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
