Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
