now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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