Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
