This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
