Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
