I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
