I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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