how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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