its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My ATM looks so different sober.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
