We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
