Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize