sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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