I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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