I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Vodka?
Forever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
