Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
