I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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