So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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