What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize