is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
