mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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