does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were trust falling into bushes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
