im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
