Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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