For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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