There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
