All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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