I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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