help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
