neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
