Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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