I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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