chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need a beard to bite.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
