Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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