She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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