But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
