using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
