I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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