i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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