I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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