Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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