Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
its not stalking. its research.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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