My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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