is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
