Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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