My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
