THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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