Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
