Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
