He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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