mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
