Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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