pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He passed out mid-signature
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
