dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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