im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
