you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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