pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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