remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
