yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
These tits shall not be calmed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
