did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
